Broken Dreams
Author: Tygerlily
Email: Angelusblood@yahoo.com
Rating: Pg-15 (R maybe but doubtful)
Disclaimer: They all belong to me! Do you hear me Joss, THEY’RE ALL MINE! Nah not really I don’t own anything pertaining to Buffy and friends ::sniffles::
Spoilers: Everything up to Graduation Pt. II.
Feedback: I’m practically begging here people… loved it, hated it; I need to know!
Warning: Kinda Angsty
Author Note: The song that I’m using belongs to Michelle Branch but for the purpose of my story Buffy wrote the song and she can sing, very well I might add. I promise it will all make sense when you read it. //Flashback//
Author Note II: I’ve been in the mood to write BA lately but with much angst. Don’t ask why I usually love to see our favorite couple all happy and bubbly but just not as of late. As Buffy once said: …I know its nuts, but… part of me believes that real love and passion have to go hand in hand with pain and fighting…
Dedications: I usually don’t dedicate my fics to anyone but I think I’m going to this time. So this for Vanessasky I know how you like your fics nice and angsty.
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Angel looked at his Slayer through the smoke that swirled around him and through his hazed mind he could faintly hear the sounds of sirens but all he knew for sure was that she was alright. He had told her he wasn’t going to say goodbye if they survived but he had to make sure she was okay before falling back into the shadows once more. With one last lingering look he turned slowly and faded into the darkness, when he knew that he could no longer be seen he broke into a dead run.
He knew that if he didn’t get away soon he’d go running back into her arms knowing that she would never turn him away. Finally his steps slowed as he near the mansion. The dark haired vampire slowly made his way through the garden to the main room just to make sure that he hadn’t forgotten anything. Sighing heavily realizing he couldn’t put it off any longer he walked out to the garage and climbed into the car.
Just as he was about to put the key in the ignition a package on the passenger side caught his eye. He cautiously reached out and turned it over, he became even more curious as he looked at the hand writing on the other side. In the handwriting of his beloved the sole word ANGEL was written across. Carefully opening the box he was shocked to find a cassette tape inside along with a small white card with the words PLAY ME in a strong black letters.
Angel did as the card said and popped the tape into the player. He laid his head back against the seat letting the voice that filled the car wash over him.
‘Hey Angel, I guess if you’re listening to this… well things mustn’t be too great now for either one of us. Anyway there is a point to this and I promise you that I will get to it but first do you remember the day you came into my room and found me with that guitar?’
Angel smiled softly at the memory that was something he would never forget…
//Buffy sat in the low light of her room, her mother was away for a week at some art buyers’ convention and Giles had finally given her the night off. Now especially with Spike and Dru taken care of it was sometime for the Slayer to relax.
She sat on her bed strumming the guitar she hadn’t played since she’d been called. Her parents thought it’d be good for her to learn an instrument but there was no way she was playing something boring like the piano so they relented but said that if it was to be the guitar it was to be an acoustic one, which was just fine with her.
Humming a few bars to one of the first songs she learned she never even heard her Angel approach the window. When Angel first came up to the window he was going to just enter as usual since he didn’t have to worry about her mother but the sight of his beloved lost in song and strumming lazily on the guitar kept him from entering his beloveds’ room.
“That was pretty” he stated softly when he finally entered the room
Startled by the intrusion the Slayer stood up abruptly and the guitar fell to the floor with a soft thud as it hit the portion of the floor that was carpet covered.
“Angel, I didn’t see you there” she said as she bent down and picked up the guitar
Buffy then walked over to the case that was on top of the bed and placed the guitar inside. As she closed the case and slid it under the bed her vampire asked the question she’d been hoping he wouldn’t.
“You play?”
“Kinda, just a thing I use to do before I became slay-gal” she said uncomfortably
Angel just looked at her thoughtfully for a second before walking over to the bed and taking out the guitar once more. He slowly turned towards her and handed her the guitar.
”Play something, please”
Buffy hesitantly took the instrument and took her seat again. At first she just played a few chords while Angel settled himself on the bed. When she looked up again she took a deep breath and began to play.
#Turn it inside out so
I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're never there
But when I sleep you're everywhere
You're everywhere#
Angel sat mesmerized by the tiny blonde in front of him. He had no idea she had such a pretty voice. He was sure that the she could sing okay since he heard her hum to herself while out on the hunt but he never knew she could sing the way she was at that moment.
#Just tell me how I got
this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look you're never there
And every time I sleep you're always there
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone#
As soon as the tips of her fingers hit the strings and she began to sing Buffy was lost in the music. Though she hadn’t played since she’d been called that didn’t mean she stopped writing. One of her favorite things to do was write songs and before demons and monsters entered her world she was determined to become a song writer but now that was just a distant pipe dream.
She looked up briefly at the man sitting before; Buffy can remember all too clearly when she wrote this. It was just after the whole thing with Owen at the Bronze and trying to track down the anointed one. The jealous tone that instantly entered his voice when he discovered that she wasn’t at the Bronze alone she remembered everything as if it had just occurred yesterday and not almost a year before.
#I recognize the way
you make me feel
It's hard to think that you might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone#
The brooding vampire listened to the words and smiled softly. At times he couldn’t help but wonder why Buffy hid her intelligence from everyone. He knew school wasn’t exactly Buffy’s favorite activity but sometimes he just couldn’t help but wonder. This little blonde in front of him could see and understand things others just couldn’t.
#And when I touch your
hand
It's then I understand
The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin
You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath it's you I breathe
You're everything I know that makes me believe
I'm not alone#
As Buffy continued to play she remembered everything about her first year in Sunnydale with Angel. The first time she met him in the alley way…
//“I know what you’re thinking… I don’t bite”//
Again when he showed up at the Bronze to warn her about the clawed vampire that was terrorizing the populace…
//“Hi”
“I'd say it's nice to see you, but then we both know that's a big fib”
“I won't be long”
“No, you'll just give me a cryptic warning about some exciting new catastrophe, and then disappear into the night, Right?”
“You're cold”
“You can take it”//
The jealousy that she could feel flowing off of him in waves when he found out about Owen…
//“You see that guy over there at the bar? He came here to be with me.
“You're here on a date?”
“Yes! Why is it such a shock to everyone?”//
Angel watched her intently as she sang and knew that she was remembering all the times they’d been together. He knew because he was doing the same. Their first kiss, their first fight; he remembered it all. Soon though he was pulled from his reverie as the last few chords of the song were played.
//You're in everyone I
see
So tell me
Do you see me//
Buffy slowly looked up from the guitar to find her Angel sitting there just smiling softly at her. A small smile of her own began to form on her lips, she placed the guitar against the chair and stood up slowly. Angel settled himself against the headboard as Buffy made her way over to the bed.
The tiny blonde slid in next to her love and snuggled up against his chest. All too soon the tiny Slayer was snoring softly with her love in her arms. When Buffy woke again the sky was a light pink and her dark Angel was gone all except a slip of paper with words in his strong masculine script causing her to smile softly.
I see you//
Angel felt a lone tear slip down his cheek at the memory all the while still smiling softly at the memory. He was torn from his reverie by the little blonde that still held his heart and probably always would.
“You’re the first… the only person that I’ve ever sang for. Ever since the day I was called all my dreams just slowly slipped away. There wasn’t anytime for frivolous dreams or fantasies… I learned quickly that the real world was a hard place to live in and sometimes I just wanted to stop. I really wanted to find that fantasy world that I longed for but now I know I never will.”
Angel stared at straight ahead as into the darkness of the mansions’ garage as he listened to his beloveds’ words.
“I’m not meant to, not now anyway and probably not ever. That normal life you talked about, the one you wanted me to have. I’m never going to have it. I know this and deep down inside so do you… but I’ll do as you ask I’ll try to have that normal life you long for me to have because if I don’t… then your leaving was for nothing…”
Icy tears continued to roll down the pale alabaster skin of the brooding vampire as he realized that his leaving was probably going to cause his Slayer to possess more broken dreams and a very tattered heart. Though knowing all he knew, there was no way to go back now. He had already caused her too much pain; she’d get passed it one day.
“Anyway, I felt that since you were leaving I’d sing you one last song. I know that ever since that day you’ve wanted to hear me sing again. Well now here’s your chance…”
Angel sighed softly as he heard the first few chords; he then couldn’t help the small smile that formed on his lips as he heard his Slayers’ voice.
//Of all the things
I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
And it hurts to want
everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time
Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star//
Angel could no longer hold back the sob as he heard that last chords fade out taking his beloveds’ voice with them. Taking an unneeded breath he then pulled the car out of the garage and began to drive to the City limits. The brooding vampire couldn’t help the smile that began to form on his lips as he passed the sigh that said…
You’re Now Leaving Sunnydale
Come Back Soon!
He knew he’d be back… someday
End